Monday, October 10, 2005

Is This YOU?

Okay, I have to rant. I have recognized (yet another) certain behaviour that I find to be QUITE despicable, and maybe someone will read about themself in here. My mom is a nursing educator in a hospital, and she also loves to run gorgeous Teas for special events, and has done this several times for Nursing week, going away parties, etc. Several months back, she related a story to me of a Tea that they had, where they ordered 300 chocolate dipped strawberries. This place that makes them must CERTAINLY have some market into mutated or cloned fruit, because these strawberries are literally fist sized!!! Anyway, she ordered them, and the Tea went as planned, but she noticed a disturbing trend. People would come to get strawberries, then fill up several plates with them, meanwhile eating them hand over fist. Within an hour, all 300 strawberries were gone, and the next wave of people who came for strawberries had none. This weekend, I went to that Quilt Guild convention thingy in CT, and someone had made a bunch of chocolate dipped strawberries which they donated to the snack/lunch table. People were getting plates, then going down the line, and picking things out here and there. Those Strawberries, and there must have been about 20 of them, were at the back of the table. I was waiting behind these two women who stood there and ATE and ATE them, meanwhile forming a sort of block which allowed other people to come from the other direction and take strawberries. I was literally NEXT in line to get a strawberry, and by the time these two hogs moved down the line there was about 5 strawberries left!!!!! Needless to say, I was spluttering.
(Long rambling segue follows)
When I was in EMS (late 80's, early 90's), my colleagues and I used to wish endlessly that there was a forum that would reach the public that would allow us to teach them (READ: Express our OUTRAGEOUS DISGUST) that they needed to PULL TO THE RIGHT when they saw emergency vehicles with lights and sirens behind them. Not: Pull to the left, STOP in the middle of the lane, drive faster to try to beat us or the most annoying and inexplicable of all: Drive SLOWER and try to teach that stupid ambulance behind them a lesson about driving the speed limit. I realize now that THIS is the medium we were looking for...a medium which would allow us to be both informative AND insulting at the same time. We seriously thought about putting a full page ad in the paper on this issue, but we agonized over the fact that we would be required to couch the whole thing in diplomatic terms, without such descriptive words as, "Frustrated" "Murderous Rage" or "Frigging IDIOTS!!!"
Now, my time is here. You are my captive audience, and although many of you look benign, friendly, maybe even attractive....ONE of you MUST be guilty of the sins above! If you are, consider yourself LAMBASTED! REPENT and Sin No MORE! When you see chocolate strawberries, you will take one and KEEP MOVING (or even better, don't take one...they're way too much sugar and people can spontaneously develop allergies to strawberries and/or chocolate--best to leave them to the professionals-me) If you see an emergency vehicle with lights and sirens coming up behind you, you will move safely to the right and STAY to the right until the vehicles pass you. You will then proceed as before WITHOUT trying to speed up and see who/what is going on in the back of the ambulance!
I've provided this forum as a sounding board for anyone frustrated with the above activities, but also for anyone who would like to confess their sins. Cmon now, don't be afraid. We'll be nice.


Michelle said...

Today's Sin
7 Twizzlers.

Michelle said...

I mean 9. Nine Twizzlers.

Robin said...

I find those to be self limiting...I mean,they're not really made of any organic substance that *I* can identify, are they? 7 or even 9 twizzlers sounds pretty reasonable, though...especially if they're the strawberry ones, and not the icky string cherry ones. bleh!

Christine said...

People are pigs, esp when it comes to free food. And chocolate-covered strawberries are just divine. I'll take my chances with allergies.

BTW, my M does have SJS. You called it.